Did You Ever Think Life Was Gonna Be This Way?

Gratitude, like anything else, is a habit. I have a picture that I see every day when I'm getting up; it says, "Begin each day with a grateful heart." We also have a family ritual at dinner each night, where we go around the table and explain what we're thankful for. We've done this since Maggie was a tiny toddler, and we never forget to do it.  It's often my favorite part of the day. Sometimes, it's little things, like minecraft or beer or weekends. But oftentimes, there's some profound thanks: for family and a h ome and love. For random acts of kindness and for dinners and their makers. For schools and books and brains that work well. For God and farms and the gift to choose. For parents and children and grandparents and friends. All of these have had a place at our table over the last few months. It's hard to keep track, and I forget many of them. That's the way life goes, I guess! But here's the best part: it's never difficult for m...

I chunked a big, dark, heavy rock at you all... ...And this is what happened. Thank you for the beauty and support and love. I am blessed beyond measure.

I have the tendency to leave out the messy, sad, difficult parts of my everyday life with cancer. The reasons for that are legion, but they boil down to one: we all like to present our best selves. No one likes to feel vulnerable and naked to the world. I don't want people feeling sorry for me or pitying me. There are only a tiny handful of people that I really open up to about this terrible disease, and that's because it's a huge burden and frankly, I don't want to trust just anyone with sharing my load.  But I don't want everyone to think life is all rainbows and sunshine, either.  When one of my closest friends, who loves me very much (and the feeling is mutual), urged me to stop obsessing over certain things and gave me a well-intentioned pep talk about how the big crisis was over and it was time to find my "new normal"...well, I knew I had some 'splaining to do. If someone that close to me thinks that we're all done with cancer around her...