Did You Ever Think Life Was Gonna Be This Way?

I loved Halloween as a kid. The dressing up for school parades, the running around for (what seemed like) hours, trailing the rumors of full size candy bars all through the neighborhood, our costumes covered by winter coats (I grew up in one of the suburbs of Chicago). The inherent subversive nature of it all was what really made Halloween such delirious fun: for one beautiful evening, the doors to a world outside after dark were flung wide open! The streets would darken, my brother and his friends invariably would tear off and leave me - but it didn't matter, because we knew almost every kid in the neighborhood and so I would find my pals and wander around with them, concocting plans about trying to return to a place that had the best offerings without being called out for repeats, eating candy all the while.  treats When our kids were born, then, you can imagine how excited I was for Halloween. Not only for the candy, but for the costumes! The pumpkin patches! The leaves cr...

When it comes to my cancer treatments, the hardest periods for me are the "in-between" ones. One treatment has ended due to toxicity or tolerance but a new one hasn't yet begun - or even worse, a new course of action has yet to be decided. These are the minutes, hours, days, and weeks that really send me into deep distress. Each day is interminably long. I feel paralyzed by the lack of action, fearful of what's coming down the pipeline, and anxiety ridden over whether the new approach will work. I start to shut down and disconnect. "I just need a breather, time to process," I tell myself as I snuggle back into my bed instead of getting up to start my day. "I need to give myself a break," I say as I climb into a bubble bath and watch three episodes of "Friends" in a row. It's no big deal. I'll be back at it tomorrow.  Life carries on - kids get to school, husband gets to work, our dogs skid around corners and bark at the deliv...

I chunked a big, dark, heavy rock at you all... ...And this is what happened. Thank you for the beauty and support and love. I am blessed beyond measure.