Did You Ever Think Life Was Gonna Be This Way?

It's been two weeks, which seems like such a long time, but then again, I don't know where the hours and days have gone. I just know that suddenly, March (Colon Cancer Awareness Month!) is right around the corner. Which means it's almost spring. I keep telling myself that as I gaze out my frosty windows and hear the wind blow. I keep telling myself that as I pile another blanket on top and silently curse the dry cleaning guy who broke my mattress pad heater. I tell myself that as I empty ANOTHER box of tissues into the trash and take more cough syrup. It's almost working.  It's almost working, which means it's mostly not working . I have spent more mornings and afternoons in bed lately than absolutely necessary. First, it was a cold. Then, the flu stopped by. Then, another cold. We went to Hawaii and EVERYTHING WAS BEAUTIFUL...And then I came back and had a lot of trouble with the chemo cycle that began the week after vacation. I had nausea - oh! the na

New Initiates, Colleagues, Loved Ones: lend me your ears  eyes, for I have a terrific secret to share! I know you probably haven't thought of it this way yet, but I tell you true: Cancer is an exciting adventure. Now, now, I know you're probably thinking: this girl's gone round the bend! and...Well, that may be true, but I'm right about this anyway. Trust me. Or at least trust Proust, who reminds us all that, " The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes,  but in having new eyes ." Right?! Yes. Cancer-land is  simply rife with opportunities and rollicking new experiences. Consider, for instance, the following: you now will replace many hours of your previously productive days with the fun new pastime of...sitting around. You will sit on slightly wobbly plastic chairs stolen from an office down the hall.  You will ease into infusion loungers and be covered with warm blankets.  You will rustle around on exam room tables and silently curs

Years ago, when I first found myself in Cancer-land (motto: just like Candyland but the complete opposite in every fucking way!), my friend S, whom I've known since high school, became one of the people I thought of as my angels on earth: one of that sacred sect because even though we hadn't been close for years, she slipped in and, without a second thought, helped me pick myself up and dust myself off, all the while through her actions unconsciously nudging me to recognize that cancer, for all of its horrors, indisputably offers a chance for you to see the world of miracles and wonder.  Swipe the glassy surface of your life with a tear-stained finger and you find beneath you brilliant networks of convergence, knitted by love and humanity and the whole damn Universe. The nineteenth century naturalist John Burroughs once wrote, "Leap and the net shall appear." This idea had rattled around my brain for many years before cancer came; I have no idea how or when it ushere