Get Your Gear On: The Definitive List of Stuff You Need to Live Your Best Cancer Life

New Initiates, Colleagues, Loved Ones: lend me your ears eyes, for I have a terrific secret to share! I know you probably haven't thought of it this way yet, but I tell you true: Cancer is an exciting adventure. Now, now, I know you're probably thinking: this girl's gone round the bend! and...Well, that may be true, but I'm right about this anyway. Trust me. Or at least trust Proust, who reminds us all that, "The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes, but in having new eyes." Right?! Yes. Cancer-land is simply rife with opportunities and rollicking new experiences. Consider, for instance, the following: you now will replace many hours of your previously productive days with the fun new pastime of...sitting around. You will sit on slightly wobbly plastic chairs stolen from an office down the hall. You will ease into infusion loungers and be covered with warm blankets. You will rustle around on exam room tables and silently curse whoever invented that damn crinkly paper.  Hospital beds will embrace you with cool, white sheets and you'll play with the buttons until the nurse comes in. You will become a champion rider in the car; maybe the spirit will move you (or you'll feel barfy) and you'll stick your head proudly out the car window like a happy dog, letting your hair (or what's left of it, anyway) flutter in the breeze. You will recline into wheelchairs, prop yourself up on your elbows while you go careening down a hallway and into a procedure room, slouch so deeply into the boxy waiting room chairs that your butt will nearly touch the floor. Oh, the places you won't go! The sits you will sit! (And then there's your new love affair with the loo. You will be there A LOT. Stock up  on toilet paper, Preparation-H, some fancy "poo-pouri," flushable wet wipes...they were made for this moment. Indulge. And don't forget the magazines.) 

As if sitting weren't exciting enough, you'll also do plenty of worrying and wondering. What will they tell me next that makes little to no sense? Where are they going to stick me and when will they let it slip that they forgot to take that one extra tube of blood? Who will I meet in the exam room, and will there be tissues available? Why is the doctor/that bloodwork/my scan results/the nice nurse/that one funny technician/my husband taking so long? After a certain period of time, though, you need something else to do. You can only panic and fret for so long before you have a breakdown or faint from sheer exhaustion. And that's when BAM! - it's time to go for your gear.  In a perfect world, you will have two gear bags - a smallish one for the absolute essentials, when you're only scheduled to be at your appointment for "about an hour" (hahahahaha...sigh) and then a bigger one for long infusion days or hospital stays. 

Now let's get down to business about this small bag. We will henceforth refer to this satchel as the football, because, like the case containing the nuclear launch codes that never leaves the president's side, it should accompany you wherever you go, every single time. Even if you're only dropping in to get bloodwork. Even IF the appointment will only take a minute. Yes, even IF the place where you're going to wait is actually the pharmacy, and even if you're in a hurry because you have a bunch of other stuff to do. NEVER FORGET THE FOOTBALL. The day you do will be the day that you wind up having a chest x-ray tacked onto your appointments list, or the computer system goes down and everything takes a million times longer, or you discover that your oxygen saturation levels are in the 70's wind up being admitted to the actual hospital, or they ran out of infusion chairs somehow, or the doctor is way behind because of an unexpected platypus encounter. Whatever. None of this matters, though, when you have your football! You are unruffled and at ease. The world is your pigskin-shaped oyster. Pry it open and behold all that waits inside:

Exclusive footage of what's inside the football.

1. The football itself: This is my football. I know this looks like a lot of stuff, and it sort of is, but everything is small. My football is a small clutch with a wrist strap; it's a little smaller than a piece of paper. A large pencil case, a makeup bag, a little backpack - hell, you can use a Target bag if you want to, although you probably don't want to because it could rip or you might forget it and there are some important items here, like your googly eyeball ring. 
2. Your smartphone (not pictured). Yes, I know that you have this item with you at all times already - maybe you're even reading this post on your phone right now (Hi there! I see you!) - but it is the ultimate weapon.  Make sure you have the following apps available, and remember that you're unlikely to have reliable wifi access, especially if you're waiting somewhere deep in the bowels of your favorite medical facility. 
1. Your favorite music app, with the downloaded playlists of your choice. I recommend one that's chill; one that's energetic; one full of the music equivalent of your baby blanket, nice and comforting. Nothing too sad or full of rage - you're just asking for trouble if you indulge in those with an interminable amount of time on your hands. 
2. Audible or similar, with several books already downloaded. Audiobooks, to me, are really helpful when I'm anxious. When I'm really freaked out, I can't concentrate on a regular book, but a well chosen audiobook helps get me out of my own story and into someone else's. I always make sure I have at least one or two books I've heard before (for me that's Gail Carriger's Finishing School series and The All Souls Trilogy by Deborah Harkness); something funny or light-hearted (Sedaris is a personal favorite; so is Ellen Degeneres); something really engaging (Born a Crime, The Song of Achilles, The Good Thief). Nothing tragic, obvs. 
3. Kindle, with all the books. 
4. Games that can be interrupted at any point: Solitaire, Panda Pop, Words with Friends
5. Calendar: put all the appointments you'll be scheduling at some point during the day, and do it right away, or else you'll forget because your brain is trying to remember all the things and also working hard to keep you sane.
6. Nordstrom, Sephora, Amazon. A little shop therapy never hurts anyone.
3. (Items are in the photo above, beginning clockwise from the bottom left.) The book you're reading, with bookmark. I'm reading When Women Were Birds by Terry Tempest Williams, and it's fantastic. No library books allowed - you don't want to lose it. 
4. A stand alone phone charger with cord - THIS IS A MUST HAVE ITEM. The one I have pictured is about the size of a small deck of cards, but you can get ones that are even smaller. Your phone will run out of battery exactly when you need it most. Outwit that sneaky phone with this! No outlet required! 
5. A little pick me up: that's my "did it anyway" pin from Emily McDowell, who has all the best cancer related stuff. Sometimes I need a visual reminder that I'm going to make it through the next hour, day, procedure, whatever.
6. Hair bands without metal in them (in case you have a date with an MRI machine). 
7. Face wipes. Sometimes, I get sweaty or just feel grubby. Sometimes, I cry and need the mascara to go away. These Burt's Bees wipes are for sensitive skin and are really wonderful - fragrance free, alcohol free, no fancy ingredients, and very soft. A number of drugs and treatments leave you with deeply irritated, sensitive skin that cannot tolerate most cosmetics, and some drugs make it so that retin-A or other ingredients will damage your skin. If you want to splurge, go for Koh Gen Do Cleansing Spa Water Cloths. They're thick and soft. A spa day for your face. Seriously!
8. Pack of Kleenex. I like this style because they're flat and unfold to reveal the tissues inside, so they don't get tattered or whatever like the regular to-go packs can. 
9. Cash. I try to keep several small bills on hand because my medical facility has a valet. It also has a coffee kiosk with scones. 
10. Thank you notes. The ones here are from a postcard book by Studio Oh!. When I'm feeling blue, practicing gratitude can really lift me up, so I keep these on hand to send to people who have been especially kind to me recently. The postcards mean you don't have to worry about envelopes and they're sturdy so they don't get wrinkled. 
11. Chapstick. Because, lips.
12. Sleeping mask. Laugh if you want to, but when I'm in an infusion chair, have a migraine, or wind up being in an exam or treatment room for more than ten minutes or so, naps are nice and often necessary. Be good to yourself. This one is from Sephora. 
13. Wet Ones. Hospitals are full of sick people. Blech. Wipe everything down, especially your hands and your phone. Right now I like the citrus ones but there are sensitive skin ones too for when you have skin problems.
14. First aid kit. You'd think they have band-aids and ointment everywhere, but   you'd be wrong.
15. A tiny game of some kind - Spy is a teeny card game! Two people can play and it's all in your hand (no laying down of runs, etc) so they don't get all germy. 
16. Pocket Posh games. I love these. Perfectly sized. They have word searches, quizzes, sudoku, logic games - great way to keep your brain distracted and easy enough that you don't have to really concentrate, which is sometimes impossible due to nerves, medication, and other various impediments.
17. Notebook and pen. Write your grocery list, your to do list, a bucket list, questions you have for your doctor, notes from your meetings with the medical team, etc. That's a mini pen. I love office supplies. I love teeny office supplies even more!
18. Wallet. Don't forget this. 
19. Small bottle of unscented hand creme or cocoa butter. This is a little cocoa butter stick. It's great for lips, cuticles, dry hands, split ends you find while contemplating your hair and the universe...you get the picture. For this item and others like it, PLEASE be sure to purchase unscented or very very mild scents. Many people you'll encounter feel nauseous, have allergies, or have noses working overtime (several chemo regimens I've taken made me so sensitive to smells that I would have to leave the room when people chewed certain flavors of gum, much less stinky perfume, lotion, or sprays). 
20. Pulse oximeter. You probably don't need this, but I have the whole low-oxygen drama going on, so I use this all the time to check my saturation levels.
21. Googly eye ring. It cheers me up. Fun if there's a kid in the waiting room who looks bored. Surprises residents and other serious types. 
22. Pill box. You take a lot of meds when you have cancer. This one has a mirror inside so I can check my teeth. It's made by Anne Taintor, which means it's funny on the outside and organized on the inside with a clasp that won't fail you (very important!). 
23. Chill out spray. This one is lavender; it calms me down and helps me feel refreshed. It has only the mildest of scents, but I still use it only in rooms where I'm alone. Or sometimes the bathroom, cuz...you know. 
24. Ear buds. Because they're teeny and don't have noise-cancelling features, these are my preference for day trips; I can listen to music or books but I'm also aware of what's going on around me - especially useful when you're waiting for your name to be called. 
25. Love. Each person in our family has one of these little silver pocket rocks. Having a little love to hold onto is reassuring, and if you're the tactile sort, it's perfect for fiddling with. 

Whew! That took longer than I thought! I'm going to have to save the overnight/infusion room bag for next time, because I'm an extremely busy person, you know. I already missed afternoon snack, naptime, and my first scheduled reading block of the day! If I don't stop now, I'm going to miss happy hour, and that just won't do. 

I'm a firm believer that having good gear really makes a difference (my dad taught me that - thanks, Dad!) when you're trying something new; I'm also smitten by the world of tiny objects, so keeping my football well stocked is an ongoing source of pleasure, I'll admit. And I deserve some pleasures. So do you!  I hope this list is helpful to you and that you'll now feel a little more confident at your next appointment. If you're reading this because you love a cancer patient, I hope this gave you some ideas for little gifts that will serve a purpose. And if I missed something that you always have in your football, let me know, okay? 

Meet me here next week again and eventually, I'll remember to talk about packing for hospital trips and day-long infusion appointments. There are a few things you probably don't even know you need...but believe me, you totally do! 


(Please know that I was not given any of these items in exchange for a review or anything like that; they're honestly just my favorites.) 


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