How to Enrage Someone Using Just a Couple of Pieces of Paper

First things first: I told you God was busy making new planets! I'm a soothsayer, I tell you! Ka-boom!

Next, I was going to write a post full of sunshine and glitter stickers, explaining how much I love my friends and supporters and in no way was trying to shame or embarrass anyone with my last post, because a couple of people mailed me to apologize for being stupid and that's just, well, dumb. Internet huggies for you. But then. Then this happened:


That's right. I came home from a lovely little lunch date with my mom to discover that a fucking funeral planning service had sent me a mailing. I mean, are you fucking kidding me? Little #PSA to the funeral planning crowd: sorry to disappoint but I'm not planning on shuffling off this mortal coil any time soon. And if I do, I sure as fuck won't be using any company that tried to get my business with a fucking form letter!  

I don't recommend this brand. 

And now you see, that's the thing - well, one of the things - about being diagnosed with a disease that has a five year survival rate of 9%. (My odds are significantly better now, so don't be alarmed.) You're going about your business, feeling pretty fine (I walked three miles this morning, so suck it, memorial planning people), getting your hair cut and looking guiltily at the herb garden you forgot to water for a month, reveling in your cute sneakers and planning what books to read next week, complaining about your kids and your dogs and your messy house and popping Xanax like any other normal person and then all of a sudden: BOOM. Oh, yeah. Cancer.

Comments

  1. UnknownSeptember 5, 2014 at 3:59 PM

    First of all I have to apologize on behalf of some in my Funeral Profession. The fact that someone thought this was helpful is beyond me. Say what you will about NY State's laws, but we have one against this and every state should as well. Todd Kilmer

    ReplyDelete
  2. UnknownSeptember 6, 2014 at 1:36 AM

    I can't believe that you manage to be so eloquent while so enraged. I'm sorry you had to deal with that, but kudos on expressing yourself so powerfully!

    ReplyDelete
  3. JeanieSeptember 8, 2014 at 6:36 AM

    This reminds me of when my Dad passed away and just a few days after his funeral a "salesman" stopped by my Mom's house selling headstones. What really made it worst was HE WAS A LOCAL FROM OSCEOLA!!! So you couldn't even slide it off as random salesman who just happened to stop by.

    ReplyDelete

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